Son of a BITCH do I hate the Warriors. I know most everyone does but for me it goes much deeper than that. I am beyond hate. 5 straight Finals. 5 straight Finals have I put up with the Warriors and their nonstop Warrior winning wats. I have had to watch Draymond Green eat his fucking W’s for the past half decade. My friend is a Jazz fan, he says “Oh yEaH I HatE tHe WaRRiOrs tOo BrO” and I say You dumb bitch. Shut the fuck up with your dumb bullshit. We have to play them FOUR TIMES A YEAR, EVERY YEAR. and he says “yeah but” and I can’t even hear him because at this point I’m thinking about that youtube thumbnail of baby faced, chewing on his mouth guard, cocky little fuck Steph Curry when he dad dicked the Thunder and there is blood in my ears and hate in my heart. FUCK.

And don’t even get me started on their fans. One of my “friends” is a Warriors and a Patriots fan. THEY’RE ON OPPOSITE COASTS YOU FUCK. And he has the nerve to call me out for being a Rockets and a Saints fan. LA (louisiana) DIDN’T HAVE A BASKETBALL TEAM WHEN I STARTED WATCHING, YOU STUPID BITCH. I CHOSE THE TEAM WITH THE PRETTY COLORS CAUSE I DIDNT REALIZE THEY WOULD HAVE SATAN A SNITCH AND HIS DONKEY IN THEIR CONFERENCE. I love how on this subreddit you can go to any given comment thread and find some idiot with a warriors flair talking about Curry. Every warriors fan would let steph curry shit in their cereal every morning for a FORTNIGHT just to suckle one of his ring fingers. and I just KNOW that they’re reading this right now, because they infest game threads like a ganon of leeches, and halfway through skimming it with their limited reading skills they realize they have an erection, so they ctrl+shift+n and search ayesha curry feet until they bust a nut onto the keyboard, posting comments like “if this wasnt curry people would think this was cool” or just “mmmphmmgofgpsngfjg” because they still have Steph Currys DICK in their mouth.

They say don’t cheer for injuries. Fuck that. I hope Steph Curry gets hit by an airplane. He’ll be screaming at one of his teammates who works day in and day out for him, because the warriors are only up 74 – 8, and some insane fan will just lose it and prison shank him 3 times, and then once more for good measure. And I’ll watch that shit on youtube for the rest of my life. I’ll be there at his funeral to comfort Ayesha with hors d’oeuvres but when it’s my turn to sprinkle dirt on his coffin I’ll drop a picture of LeBron James instead. And when security drags me out for causing a rumpus I’ll just laugh and laugh, because I know that I hired the insane fan to do it. It was my plan all along. All I had to do was promise him the chance to wear step currys skin. Oh, you thought the funeral was closed casket out of respect? No, no my friend. His SKIN is gone. Where is it now, you ask? It’s been… distributed. A small bribe to the chef was all it took. And now Ayesha is wondering why her pig in a blanket has the faint taste of vegetable curry ice cream, and the tears begin again as my laughter drowns out the wind and the rain. And the world keeps spinning. I am home now. Some days are good. Some days aren’t. All I can do is live what life Curry has left me.