Salutations upon thou, mineth fine collective! I hast recently been introduc’d to this venue. (p’rmit me a slight delayeth, i require a moment to alt’r the positioning of an eating utensil. ) The calling most commonly associat’d with mineth physical f’rmeth is katy, but thoust mineth p’rmission to ref’reth to me as the penguin of doom. (the absurdity of this situation hath bolst’r’d mineth tendency towards jocularity and hath result’d in an enthusiastic guffaw.) As shouldst nay doubteth be evident, mineth p’rtance is not gov’rn’d by any disc’rnible influences ‘r routines.

Such irregularity is the primary basis f’r mineth motivation towards joining thy numb’rs. ‘Tis mineth wisheth to associate myself with entities who possesseth nay predictability in their actions.

It hath been approximately five thousand days since mineth birth, and although such a bawbling measureth of timeth is typically associat’d with naivety ‘r an insuff’rable nature, most wouldst agreeth that mineth dec’rum mirr’rs that of one much old’r than myself. mineth minion pastimes includeth the viewing of a television showeth known by the title of “invad’r zim,” the content of which i p’ruse with mineth girlfriend. (my sexual pref’rences hast been defin’d via a combination of f’rces ext’rnal to myself, and as such, i wouldst appreciateth a balanc’d and appropriate response to the topic. ) We delighteth in media which, in its execution, bears a resemblance to the int’rnal processes which obscure aught but a truly m’rcurial existence.

Incidentally, the individual to whom i previously ref’rr’d exhibits similar p’rtance traits to myself. Howev’r, ’tis mineth desire to surroundeth myself with an increasing numb’reth of like-mind’d p’rsons. Mineth belief is that an expansive social circle will promoteth positive emotions.

These art the motivating f’rces behind mineth af’remention’d desires. ‘Tis mineth hopeth that thou will feeleth similarly inclin’d towards platonic connections.

Catastrophe!

Fear not, such outbursts art m’rely mineth way of solidifying ext’rnal view’rs’ impression of mineth unsystematic conducteth. i off’reth mineth felicitations, as well as a conceptualiz’d suggestion p’rtinent to the imag’ry of a traditional breakfast meal.

Sincerely, the penguin of doom