I’d love to take my colon and remove it from my body

I’d hold it vertically from the roof of my house to the ground below and slowly squeeze all the shit out like the end of a toothpaste tube.

When all of the solid shit was gone, I’d take a plumbers snake and use it to scrub every last bit of excrement from my diseased intestine

Then I’d leave it there for a day for the inflammation to dissipate from the rough treatment

Finally I’d reinsert my healthy colon and revel in the total cleanness I’d feel