Santus Klaus, of exceptional weight yet quiet as mouse (*he sure is*) and quite bit of a wiz (*might I add*), glistens your armors and weapons unless you’ve been bad (*don’t go killing your nanny, you hear?*). Should you feel his plump gentle fingers enter your rear (*I doubt it*) do not feel molested, you aren’t being robbed (*nu-huh*), you will soon be re-vested (*with something impressive*)! So there’s no need to call the guard or get aggressive (*don’t be fickle now*), just let him bestow his blessing (*for good measure*) and be sure to carry a spare sweetroll for his pleasure.