[In a Discord call between TED and CARSON]

Carson: I don’t want your wares Ted. Please don’t s-

Ted: [Raspy voice, cutting him off] You will buy my wares!

Carson: I do not want your wares Ted!

Ted: I am selling Cram.

Carson: [Confused] Wha-what is Cram?

Ted: A Cram.

[Carson laughs]

Ted: I am selling multiple Crams very different flavors, yes yes. I am selling Raspberry Cram, Berry Cram, VERY Berry Cram.

Carson: Can you tell me what a Cram is?

Ted: Ah, it’s a little mushy substance you put in between your gums, it’s not dip though, don’t think it’s dip.

[Carson laughs]

Ted: Would you like some Cram?

Carson: I don’t want Cram, do you have anything besides-

Ted: [Cutting him off] Only twenty gold coins for one, [pauses] BUCKET of Cram, I sell them by the bucket.

Carson: I don’t wanna buy-

Ted: [Cutting him off] You will receive Cram upon paying me twenty gold coins!

Carson: I don’t have any gold coins.

Ted: Pay the gold coin, you will receive the Raspberry, Berry, or Very Berry Cram.

Carson: Dude I’m gonna go across the street if you don’t sell me literally anything besides Cram.

Ted: Not to the Marc salesman!

Carson: [Laughs] The WHAT salesman?

Ted: The Marc salesman!

Carson: The Marc salesman?

Ted: That’s the opposite of Cram…

Carson: [Laughs] I don’t know what’s happening! You’ve just created a fake substance. You have made something completely new and you are trying to sell it to me.

Ted: You will receive Cram upon paying me twenty gold coins.

Carson: [Laughing] I’ve heard that!

Ted: [Now singing] You will buy the Cram! I recommend the Very Berry Cram, It is like the Berry Cram but very!

Carson: Can I buy, can I buy like a sword or something, I’m tryna go into battle, and you are only offering me some substance of yours.

Ted: The only sword I have are made of CRAM!

Carson: I don’t want a Cram Sword!

Ted: Laid in the sun for about a fortnight it will be harder than steel. CRAM SWORD.

Carson: [Laughing] Wha..

Ted: CRAM SWORD.

[Carson laughs]

Ted: Receive Cram sword I am selling for 50 gold coins..

Carson: What does Cram even look like-

Ted: [Cutting him off] Laid in the sun for a fortnight-

Carson: [Cutting him off] I heard, I heard

Ted: [Cutting him off] It will be….

Carson: [Cutting him off] I heard ALL about the laying in the sun,

Ted: [Cutting him off] It will be….

Carson: [Cutting him off] …and the fortnight-

Ted: [Cutting him off] …HARDER THAN STEEL…

Carson: I wo- can I buy- can I buy like- steel? Steel? Do you sell steel?

[Long pause]

Ted: I have some Cram I have laid out for a fortnight pryviously…

Carson: “PRYVIOUSLY”? What is it made of?

[Another long pause]

Ted: The question confuses me…

[Carson laughs]

Carson: Alright later

Ted: [Normal voice] Later

Carson: I must call Schlatt now.

Ted: Ok..

[Carson leaves the call]

[Short pause]

Ted: [Raspy voice again] Cram.

Carson: Wh- I’m not in the call with you anymore! How did you just say Cram?

[Short pause]

Ted: Hmm?

Carson: Where are you coming from??

Ted: I am from the sky, I know all things, and I only see with Cram.

Carson: I’m not in the call with you!

Ted: I lost my eyes thousands of years ago…

Carson: [Cutting him off] I-

Ted: And I replaced them with eyeballs made of Cram that were laid in the sun for a fortnight…

Carson: I’m gonna… I’m gonna, close Discord.

Ted: NUH, Cram-

[Carson closes Discord]