[In a Discord call between TED and CARSON]
Carson: I don’t want your wares Ted. Please don’t s-
Ted: [Raspy voice, cutting him off] You will buy my wares!
Carson: I do not want your wares Ted!
Ted: I am selling Cram.
Carson: [Confused] Wha-what is Cram?
Ted: A Cram.
[Carson laughs]
Ted: I am selling multiple Crams very different flavors, yes yes. I am selling Raspberry Cram, Berry Cram, VERY Berry Cram.
Carson: Can you tell me what a Cram is?
Ted: Ah, it’s a little mushy substance you put in between your gums, it’s not dip though, don’t think it’s dip.
[Carson laughs]
Ted: Would you like some Cram?
Carson: I don’t want Cram, do you have anything besides-
Ted: [Cutting him off] Only twenty gold coins for one, [pauses] BUCKET of Cram, I sell them by the bucket.
Carson: I don’t wanna buy-
Ted: [Cutting him off] You will receive Cram upon paying me twenty gold coins!
Carson: I don’t have any gold coins.
Ted: Pay the gold coin, you will receive the Raspberry, Berry, or Very Berry Cram.
Carson: Dude I’m gonna go across the street if you don’t sell me literally anything besides Cram.
Ted: Not to the Marc salesman!
Carson: [Laughs] The WHAT salesman?
Ted: The Marc salesman!
Carson: The Marc salesman?
Ted: That’s the opposite of Cram…
Carson: [Laughs] I don’t know what’s happening! You’ve just created a fake substance. You have made something completely new and you are trying to sell it to me.
Ted: You will receive Cram upon paying me twenty gold coins.
Carson: [Laughing] I’ve heard that!
Ted: [Now singing] You will buy the Cram! I recommend the Very Berry Cram, It is like the Berry Cram but very!
Carson: Can I buy, can I buy like a sword or something, I’m tryna go into battle, and you are only offering me some substance of yours.
Ted: The only sword I have are made of CRAM!
Carson: I don’t want a Cram Sword!
Ted: Laid in the sun for about a fortnight it will be harder than steel. CRAM SWORD.
Carson: [Laughing] Wha..
Ted: CRAM SWORD.
[Carson laughs]
Ted: Receive Cram sword I am selling for 50 gold coins..
Carson: What does Cram even look like-
Ted: [Cutting him off] Laid in the sun for a fortnight-
Carson: [Cutting him off] I heard, I heard
Ted: [Cutting him off] It will be….
Carson: [Cutting him off] I heard ALL about the laying in the sun,
Ted: [Cutting him off] It will be….
Carson: [Cutting him off] …and the fortnight-
Ted: [Cutting him off] …HARDER THAN STEEL…
Carson: I wo- can I buy- can I buy like- steel? Steel? Do you sell steel?
[Long pause]
Ted: I have some Cram I have laid out for a fortnight pryviously…
Carson: “PRYVIOUSLY”? What is it made of?
[Another long pause]
Ted: The question confuses me…
[Carson laughs]
Carson: Alright later
Ted: [Normal voice] Later
Carson: I must call Schlatt now.
Ted: Ok..
[Carson leaves the call]
[Short pause]
Ted: [Raspy voice again] Cram.
Carson: Wh- I’m not in the call with you anymore! How did you just say Cram?
[Short pause]
Ted: Hmm?
Carson: Where are you coming from??
Ted: I am from the sky, I know all things, and I only see with Cram.
Carson: I’m not in the call with you!
Ted: I lost my eyes thousands of years ago…
Carson: [Cutting him off] I-
Ted: And I replaced them with eyeballs made of Cram that were laid in the sun for a fortnight…
Carson: I’m gonna… I’m gonna, close Discord.
Ted: NUH, Cram-
[Carson closes Discord]