HEY GAMERS HAVE WE GOT A BRAND NEW GAME YOU’VE NEVER SEEN BEFORE

That’s right! It’s a platformer! Just like those classics you know and love! Mario! Sonic!
But this time, it’s got a twist! You won’t believe it. First of all, when you jump? You can do it twice. Bet you never, ever seen something like that. Oh and besides that? You can dash. Mega Man X? Never heard of it! Dashing totally changes EVERYTHING, ignore that games have been doing it, doing it better and with superior mechanics and design in tandem for decades before we came around because WE JUST INVENTED IT! But wait, it gets better.

We closely analyzed all the classic games, studied their methods of art creation, observed the use of certain types of CRTs, half-dot techniques, dithering and composite artifacting to consider how all the best looking classic 2D games are made and you know what? WE DISREGARDED EVERYTHING
That’s right, we’re indie rebels and we’re re-inventing the rulebook!

Now look, play our games that proudly shout from the top of the hill the exact same messages journalists are trying to sell you and even mainstream releases are packing into their projects. Don’t like it? FUCK YOU WOMAN HATER that’s right, the girls are playing games now, uh-huh, sassy Teniesha will now snap and bob her head left and right at you. That’s right. Deal with it, BIGOTS. Makes me sick sometimes.