NO EXCEPTIONS
Edits:
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Season 1: SEALs For Profit!
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Thank you, kind person, who stole a **seal** from the zoo and gifted it to me.
Another **seal** appeared in my collection! now I can start breeding them for nice **coats** and cute internet videos! Ahh shit.. both are male, not even female seals want to be near me… ;-;
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Oh, a very kind and rich individual supported the farm with a pure **silver** coin! I can finally buy by me a female seal! / I got 1.5 female seals for that nice shiny silver! let’s try breeding them, for **PROFIT** and cute videos! Well shit, the Female seal seems to be a Lesbian…. FML
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OHH a professional seal knower just gifted a beautiful female **seal** to the farm! it kinda meows sometimes and has cat ears, but the seal knower assured me it’s the highest known quality of seal , the **legendary sealcat-anime-gir**l! (it’s bilingual) ngl she’s quite the cutie, anyway LET’S GET *BREEDING*! hmmm the sealcat seems to be incompatible with the other male seals, but at least she seems to be willing to mate, maybe she’s a bit to enthusiastic? OHHH I think it’s working! THEY ARE HOLDING HANDS!!! how lewd… they didn’t even know each other 5 minutes ago. OHHHHH GOD WHAT IS HAPPENING NOW? noooo, seal 1 don’t stick it there, oh god seal 2 what are you doing??! i thought this was a family-friendly business idea ;-; but I think it worked…. idk if I’m ready to see what plops out in 9-11 months…. i just hope I can keep them alive for this long, food is quite expensive…
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A kind and **Helpful** fisherman just provided the fish needed for the duration of the pregnancy! the sealcat seems to bit quite the picky one, she only eats the highest quality of salmon, what a princess…. i just hope it’s worth it, I’ll be eating the leftover cheap sardines and stuff that got caught in the net accidentally (Dolphins, turtles, and mermaids, wait mermaids?! is… is… is this cannibalism?) for the next 9-11 months thanks to that bratty sealcat….
some nice just got my a cute baby **seal**! IT ADORABLE! It seems to be hungry, let’s feed it. just one moment…. getting my phone out…… open camera app and hit record… and here we go! IT’S THE CUTEST THING I HAVE EVER SEEN! I WANT TO FEED IT MORE! **And more, AND MORE!!!!** i think it uses some sort of psyicic power to force me to feed it? I.. cant seem to stop!!! my body is moving on it’s own!!!! **HELP ME!!!!** shit, it got fat and lazy, but still cute. I just hope live stream that didn’t affect other people the same way as me…..
***BAM BAM BAM,*** someone just died of **laughter** (well actually **hitting the table** and causing themself some wounds), but at least he could donate to our cause! LONG LIFE THE FARM! it seems baby seal affected at least some of you watching the livestream…. anyways, my Paypal is linked in the description, the baby seal would love your donation!
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I’m honored to receive such a beautiful and extra shiny **Gold** coin! I will upgrade the studio for baby seal live streams and I finally can afford to by some real food, mermaid is fine and all.. but … i.. tastes like fish-chicken… and eating the top half is…. kinda… erotic…. (sry) also I think I ate your mom, didn’t know she was a mermaid until I had cooked her and put her in my cheese fondue, sorry
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Season 2: clubbed sealcat-waifu
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10 months later
I’m extremely nervous, happy and scared at the same time. Sealcat is going into labor! I starre at her not knowing what to do… She seems to be in quite a lot of pain and the baby isn’t coming out… But suddenly a random dude comes into the pool, claiming that he’s a sealcat doctor! He **helped** our sealcat giving birth during the next 36 hours…. it was bloody…. SO MUCH BLOOOOOOD….. but atlast, after almost 2 days, a beautiful half-sealcat was born, no wait, two half-se– three? FOUR? **FIVE**? FIVE beautiful half-sealcats were born, what an amazing miracle! Quintuplets!
But Every miracle has it’s shadows….. Blood… Blood is a wonderful thing… I keeps you alive, transports oxygen and nutrients…. Our beloved Sealcat wasn’t in good shape after loosing almost 80% of her blood during the two days of labour….. She was in a lot, and I mean **A LOT** of pain…. It’s almost too hard to watch…. I… I… I want…. to… end her ruling suffering….. Sometimes in life, there are things you have to do, things that can not be reversed…. but things that have to be done…. With tears in my eyes, no … with tears streaming down my cheaks… hitting the now red Beton…. forming a new liquid… a liquid of immense pain, sorrow and hate…. hate.. i hate myself for what I’m about to do…… I stud there for almost 2 hours before i had the courage to do it…. i… I.. grabbed a Club (one of those expensive ones, extremely good for seals, at least that’s what du who sold it to me said)…………….. I slowly lift my arms…. we lock eyes, eyes of sadness of pain… and hope… for an end to the suffering….. I inhale deeply…. and whisper… forgive me…. as i lay all my might into the hopefully only blow i have to do…. i wouldn’t have the emotional capacity for a second one…. My muscles burn from the immense force of the swing….. The last 10 months with that adorable, goofy and lovable sealcat-waifu flashed before my eyes…. soooo many memories came flooding into my mind at once…. the first time we met…. her first hand holding… her first time…. her slightly off but wholesome sounds…. Her smell… (slightly fishy with an cat shit accent note)…. my heart is about to give out from the pain….. as i open my eyes once again…. seeing her beautiful smile, with those big and friendly eyes… Her smile… telling me….. it’s okay…. **CRACK CRUSH BANG SPALT**………… I feel an imense pain rushing through my body… a giant shockwave of pain. I open my eyes once again, seeing my arms broken from the impact force…. but…. but… that impact wasn’t the sealcats head! A mysterious a person blocked it **with his penis (if your female, you’ve got an enormous spiritual cock),** AN ABSOULUTE CHAD, no a CHAD of CHAD’s with a **Platin** cock!
Chad’s **Silver** Gang, the 3 holy apostles, cuming with magnificent gifts! Sealcat blood and very refreshing mints! A full ICU mobile Hospital (exclusively for sealcats), in the back of CHAD’s truck. The only thing bothering me is the red text “free waifus” on the side of the truck, but that isn’t important right now, it’s time to save our beloved sealcat! The third apostle, the apostle of advanced sealcat medicine, hieved the sealcat onto a stretcher, with the help of the other Apostles. The following surgery was intense… for 4 days straight CHAD and his gang of Silverhaired Apostels gave their all, and more to save the sealcat. And finally, they came out of CHAD’s mobile ICU truck, with bend necks (the selling hight in vans inst that great) but with the biggest similes on their face. And Chad announced the success of the heartwrenching operation. She will survive! But, she has a long and difficult road of rehabilitation and Therapy in front of her. I deeply believe she has the willpower to overcome this traumatic event and recover fully. It may take years or decades, but she will succeed!
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Season 3: gravy Seals
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After a much need Vacation, some **positive energy** therapy and some time to think, I came to the conclusion that seal farming for fur and viral videos isn’t my calling. I can’t even handle killing an almost dead one….
You know why I started this? Yes, PROFIT! I’m drowning in medical dept…. due to sealcat’s operation, and I have just the perfect Idea to fix that! I’ll start a Private Naval Militarycontractor company!
And for that I got the perfect business plan, nothing can go wrong!
WE BUY NARWHALS and help Ukraine sink some russian ships!
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writer’s block, idk how to continue this ~~shitpost~~ Sealtastic adventure
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Credits, in order of appearance
——– Season 1 ——–
[u/battlehardendsnorlax](https://www.reddit.com/u/battlehardendsnorlax/) – as – seal giver #1
[u/Howie771](https://www.reddit.com/u/Howie771/) – as – Seal giver #3
[u/Padre_Bob](https://www.reddit.com/u/Padre_Bob/) – as – Silver Giver #1 (thank you for the early investment, even if the seal was gay)
[u/Kapitan_Wiyabu](https://www.reddit.com/u/Kapitan_Wiyabu/) – as – Professional Seal Knower
Anonymus – as – Helpful fisherman
[u/keyboardstatic](https://www.reddit.com/u/keyboardstatic/) – as – Table slapper
Anonymus – as – Mermaid son (sorry)
——– Season 2 ——–
Anonymus – as – midwife
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Anonymus – as – CHAD (Platin cock in the left and my gratitude in the right hand, also the bringer of the slightly shady mobile ICU in the back of his Van)
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[u/bgbgaz](https://www.reddit.com/u/bgbgaz/) – as – Apostle #1 (Bringer of Blood)
[u/Mnmnnnln](https://www.reddit.com/u/Mnmnnnln/) – as – Apostle #2 (Bringer of very refreshing mints)
[u/therealelli](https://www.reddit.com/u/therealelli/) – as – Apostle #3 (Bringer of Advanced Sealcat Medicine)
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——– Season 3 ——–
[u/DopestElite](https://www.reddit.com/u/DopestElite/) – as – Good energy Therapist
[u/megaboto](https://www.reddit.com/u/megaboto/) – as – suspiciously tentaclely investor
[u/fellspointpizzagirl](https://www.reddit.com/u/fellspointpizzagirl/) – as – summoness of Narwahls
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[u/Optimal__Koala](https://www.reddit.com/u/Optimal__Koala/) – gave a seal too late. I took it to a shelter and it will find a loving home, I’m sure of it.
[u/mrcheyl](https://www.reddit.com/u/mrcheyl/) – Finds this Post Alarming and in line with the rest of my Profile
[u/heats1nk](https://www.reddit.com/u/heats1nk/) – Loves this
[u/obiwanbohannon](https://www.reddit.com/u/obiwanbohannon/) – thinks I’m deranged
[u/Zoeee__](https://www.reddit.com/u/Zoeee__/) – thinks this is wonderful and wishes me luck with my seal farm
[u/RedRedditor84](https://www.reddit.com/u/RedRedditor84/) – thinks I overreacted to awards
[u/LSDIII](https://www.reddit.com/u/LSDIII/) – thinks I’m making fun of award speeches
[u/keyboardstatic](https://www.reddit.com/u/keyboardstatic/) – thinks that I’m a legend and that I made his whole week
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what the fuck have I created….. but it pays the bills….
never give me awards again, or it might happen again
10k character limit………..here