There’s nothing fucking worse than rolling into work or school on a cold, smelly, wet ass morning and hearing some nutjob blurt this out to you as you’re walking to your seat, using every ounce of restraint in your soul to not spit in their fucking face. There’s nothing, and I mean nothing redeeming about the phrase “good morning.” It’s inherently self-contradictory and frankly a fucking travesty.

Let’s break this down and analyze the statement. First, we begin with “good.” Good is by definition a nice word, it evokes positive emotion and the rational person would be okay with everything being good, so “good” is a happy word. Nothing wrong with “good” by itself, it implies something fun and happy is occurring.

And here’s where it all goes to fucking shit. “Morning.” Oh what a shitstain of a word. Mornings are a manifestation of hatred itself, it’s where happiness goes to perish. It’s when all of the worst things in the entire fucking day occur. Getting out of bed, waiting for coffee to brew, watching your clock to make sure you’re not late, actually being late, getting speeding tickets on the way to work or school, applying eye drops because your eyes are dry as the Sahara desert from a shitty below average sleep, smelling shitty ass dead worms on the ground, freezing your fucking ass off, anticipating the shitshow of a day about to take place, physically walking into your building seeing some 43 year old bitch who is way too happy, MORNING MEETINGS.

But what’s the worst part of it all? The sheer ARROGANCE of some motherfuckers who are so ingrained in their blatantly INCORRECT worldview that they have the fucking audacity to combine the word “GOOD” with the M word. Holy fuck… I can’t believe the balls on these motherfuckers. Actually looking me in the eye and saying “good morning :).” Wipe that smile off your smug face you piece of shit. There’s nothing good about this, the correct statement would just be “morning.” No emotion, no happiness, just survival.

Like the more you think about it the stupider it gets.. who the fuck made that phrase up? Like actually who? That shit is violent. It PHYSICALLY raises my blood pressure and heart rate, putting me at higher risk for stroke or aneurysm. It is actually an act of fucking violence to say that to me, and they expect to just get off scott-free after fucking assaulting me? They’re DAMN lucky I’m a good person and very forgiving. Just know that if you say this shit to me, I will forgive you but I will NOT fucking forget. You will always be a lame, annoying, insufferable and obnoxious piece of filth to me. Fucking disgusting.