When I was only 3 years old, my mother told me that I shouldn’t play with wires, lest I be shocked. She never did explain to me what being shocked meant, and what it felt like, and I was always left wondering. When I was 8, I learned from my teacher that metal conducted electricity. I could no longer quench my thirst for knowledge. I stole one of my sister’s sewing needles and stuck it in the TV outlet, and I instantly felt a pulse along my arm. It was not painful, it did not burn. In a way, it was interesting, even a tad pleasant.

When I was 11, my best friend told me that if you rubbed your penis, you would feel really really good after a minute. And he was right. Now I wondered though–what if I could feel the pulse of electricity at the same time? So I took two needles, laced them around each other, one on my penis and the other in the outlet, and felt like I never had before. I did this every few hours, every day.

My mom thought I had a problem. She replaced our silverware with plastic. She made my sister stop sewing. I was given “counseling” from a therapist who was wrong in every way. But I needed that feeling, it was just so appealing. There was nothing wrong with me! He therapist reccomended that my family go on a vacation where I could get away from my ‘problem.’

It was the first night out camping, no metal in sight, no electricity either. Then I realized that my brother had packed a portable camping light. It was hot, but it shone just as any other would. What my family didn’t know is that I had snuck a sewing needle into my hair for the trip.

I took the needle out and jabbed at the lamp. Just gently poking the needle with my fingers, I felt hot and tingly. This would be better than anything else. I caressed the lamp, took it into my arms, and held it above my groin. It throttled down the shaft and up the head, going deep into my core. I could not help but both laugh and cry. I was in heaven. I had discovered what lamps could really do.