I’ve come to make an announcement: Edelgard von Hresvelg’s a bitch-ass motherfucker. She came on my fucking wife. That’s right. She took her shitty fucking edgy cosplay out and she came on my wife, and she said her axe was *THIS BIG,* and I said that’s disgusting. So I’m making a callout post on my Twitter.com. Edelgard von Hresvelg, you got a *small* relic. It’s the size of this walnut except WAY smaller.

And guess what? Here’s what *my* relic looks like. That’s right, baby. Long shaft, no agarthium, pure dragon bone, look at that, it looks like my Magnum fucking dong. She fucked my wife, so guess what, I’m gonna fuck all of *Fodlan.*

That’s right, *this* is what you get! My ***SUPER BLAIDDYD PISS!*** Except I’m not just gonna piss on Fodlan. I’m gonna go higher. I’m pissing from fucking ***GARREG MACH!!!*** How do you like that, LADY RHEA!? *I PISSED ON GARREG MACH,* ***YOU IDIOTS!*** You have twenty-three hours before the piss *DR-R-R-ROPLETS* splatter all over Fodlan, now get out of my fucking sight before I piss on you too!