Mate that’s nothing compared to my mad night

Every Tuesday night I go out sniffing coke with Pablo Escobars son in Pyongyang off some Korean Prostitutes eyelids before viciously assaulting the nearest person named Michael. After that I go defile corpses in the local cemetery while smoking meth with Cardi B (would advise against this as she put Heroin dust in my pipe) so get this I start hallucinating Gandhi giving me a Lucozade Sport and some Macaroni cheese to keep me going. We go to the local brothel and get this…the prostitutes pay me to sleep with them because I’m the top shagger to ever live. Ask Queen Elizabeth the first, that’s right the first because I’m also a time traveller, I’m the guy who fucking killed Hitler. Then to finish the night I roll a mile long joint with Snoop Dogg and I outsmojed him.

Don’t even get me started on my Wednesday night’s