Ceiling fan DOES NOT work

So, yesterday, I tried the Ceiling Fan Jelqing method from r/jelqing. It DOES NOT WORK!!!, and it is very dangerous! I lubed up my 2.34 incher cock and I tied a coarse rope to my cock and used a ladder to get to my ceiling fan. That is when it began, my 7 year old daughter came running in and accidentally hit the buttons for the ceiling can, the ceiling fan turned on and started spinning my cock around, I screamed at my daughter to turn off the ceiling fan but she was too terrified at the sight of my cock tied to the ceiling fan and started crying and covering her eyes. I first ran along with the ceiling fan in a circle but I was quickly outpaced… The ceiling fan started dragging me across the floor, my butt naked ass was sliding on the floor as I screamed in agony as the ceiling fan pulled my cock. this went on for a whole 1 minute until I realised the tip of my penis was becoming purple(at this point my 7yr old daughter was still screaming at the sight of my jelqing.) The shaft of my cock started hurting more and more until I realised I wasn’t being dragged around on the ground butt naked by the ceiling fan anymore. I looked up to see half of my 2.34 inch cock swinging around tied to the ceiling fan by a short piece of rope.

In conclusion, I have now lost custody of my 7 year old daughter and am fighting a case against me for pedophelic sexual assault. have paid a total of $400,000 in fees to reconnect my penis back together. I have done 9 gruesome surgeries just to get 1/3 of my cock back.