I was feeling rather horny, so on a whim, I shoved a hard-boiled egg up my bum. It gave me the satisfaction I craved, but when I tried to fish it out, to my horror it had become lodged in there. This was around four hours ago, and the egg is still in there. I’m getting very scared. Advice would be appreciated.

Update: I tried to fish it out with a coat hanger, and it became snagged. I am bleeding profusely.