Two new private have a mid-morning talk on their first day of basic training.

‘Wait, they want us to run AND carry a rifle? Up hill?’

‘It’s insane! Earlier I did so many jumping jacks I got a nosebleed.’

‘That sucks. I didn’t realize we’d be in the sun so much. I burn easily.’

‘I’m so thirsty.’

‘I think the little can on your belt-thingy has water in it.’

‘It’s tepid. I have to drink cold water or I’ll get hives.’

‘I can’t wait until they teach us to fly helicopters. Helicopter pilots get all the Stacies. Do you think that will be this week?’

‘Maybe. Ask that Drill Sargent guy.’

‘I hate him! All he does is yell. What a beta orbiter.’

‘He’s a cuck all right. I tried to explain why I need a bath robe and he made me do push-ups.’

‘You did push-ups? I haven’t been able to do one yet, it hurts my wrists when I try.’

(Both sigh)

‘I hope we get recess or computer time soon. I can’t wait to make fun of the IT losers for not being in the Army!’

‘Ha! Beta simp Soyboy cucks.’

Oh, man! Speaking of betas, have you seen that Chad from Michigan?

‘Seen him? My pack-thingy kept making me fall over, because it’s so heavy…and that mean drill guy made Chad carry it for me. My God, his cheekbones are like razor blades!’

‘I’m totally gonna wait and shower when he does. I want to see his thundercock.’

‘I bet it’s huge.’

‘Well yeah. I mean, if the average dick is eleven inches, Chad has to have a fifteen-incher at least.’

‘Shit! Act normal! Here comes that Drill guy and he looks pissed.’

‘Oh, God! I can’t do three push-ups again.’