“It’s about freedom maaan. Freedom to give yourself an air-job in a meeting at work, on a park bench, without anyone knowing. Hell, one of the legends in this sport is Jimmy No. We call him that because the guy literally has No hands, he doesn’t even have stubs. He just has air where his arms should be, but I guess people thought it would be rude to just call him Jimmy No-hands, that or maybe they were lazy, so we called him Jimmy No.

But anyway if you ask me, that’s why Jimmy No is who he is. Imagine having all that raw energy, pent-up with no outlet. He literally learned to will himself into orgasm. He’s actually the one who first taught me about ‘Ghosting’, back when it was all underground, no magazines, no sponsorships, hell there werent even laws on the books banning it in public back then. They didnt even know what to arrest us for, we werent indecently exposed, we weren’t causing a disturbance, it was wide open back then. No one had even dreamed it possible, especially not me. Until i met Jimmy that is.

Picture this, we were in the back of a cop car, and he’s in there with no arms, and I’m hand-cuffed. The cops were annoyed by us so they parked the car while they were getting donuts or something. Jimmy and I were joking around, and I was like ‘man this sucks, I cant even rub one out, too bad we’re not gay, we could at least blow each other to pass the time’. …that when. Jimmy got all serious. He looked at me and said ‘you don’t need *arms* to masturbate bro’ and I shit you not, he walked me through the Casper technique which was one of the only options back then and I managed to bust one my first time trying with Jimmy coaching me. Pretty unreal man. I’ll never forget that day.

It’s too bad what happened to Jimmy though man. He was a real innovator in the sport. He innovated himself into what some call perfection, some call catatonia. Some people say he finally cracked the continuous orgasm, some say he was always a few scews loose and he just finally cracked. He’s just been catatonic in a nursing home the last ten years though man. I will say this though… You go visit Jimmy, you’ll see… He’s in there in a wheel chair. They usually wheel him over to a window to spend the day. But you look at his face. He’s just got this stupid big grin on his face. If that isn’t the face of Nirvana, I tell you what. That’s true freedom man.”