This debate has continued within the Chad Imperium for millennia. The Great Titquisition isn’t something they teach you in primary school, but it stains our history nonetheless. Thousands of Bootists were trapped in the city of Ballin’grad and starved of their protein powder for weeks. Some caved, some relinquished the booty because watching their gainz fail was a fate worse than death. Others… others stayed until their bodies completely unchaddified. When the City was finally freed it was hard to tell anyone their had ever bench pressed 350, such was the devastation.

In the aftermath of this terrible event Theologians sought to reconcile the twin doctrines in the divinely inspired “A Song of Tits and Ass”, lest we plunge ourselves into another century of civil war. My personal belief is rooted in these sacred texts. I tend dutifully to the booty and the boobs, in solemn respect for the duality of my Chad soul that if left unbalanced could plunge our world into darkness once again.