I had a regular customer who would ask for double mayo. The first time was relatively normal, but then he finished and said, “It was good, but more mayo next time.” Odd, sure. Messy, yeah, but he’s the one paying.

I saw him again a week later. I gave it to him with double mayo and a bit extra mayo on top. He seemed happy. Then a week after that, I saw him yet again and the first thing he says is, “Okay, don’t hold back on the mayo. Whatever you did last time, just double it.” We both knew it was weird, but this is a place of business where you won’t be made to feel bad about your particular type of gluttony. So I went overboard with the mayo. I didn’t even bother with my squeeze bottle, but just slathered it on with a spatula. Mayo was dripping all over. It was messy and sloppy and I could barely hold a straight face. But this guy had an enormous appetite. He was done in less than 3 minutes flat. I didn’t even see him come up for air. He wiped up with a pile of napkins, gave me a nice tip, and left.

This continued for months. I had to make sure to keep well-stocked with mayo. Then one day, he brings a friend. They both ask for the extra mayo treatment. Okay, fellas, that’s fine I guess. His friend was a big dude. He’s sweating and breathing heavily just standing there. But once he got over the initial weird shame feeling, he and his buddy both went to town and finished in record time. His buddy sheepishly said thanks and left. After that, they were both regular customers of mine for years. Their fondness for mayo waxed and waned, but they still remained consistent clients. Oh I should mention I worked at a sandwich shop, which is the closest thing I’ve done to sex work. Anyway, that was the strangest request from a customer I’ve had.