Have you ever seen a man so in shambles? To the point of pure madness over a simple slice of coochie? A man so desperate he is willing to sacrifice his own dignity for puss? The disgrace and shame he must feel, as he says he wants to have a relationship, but devolves into longing for intimate, hot sex. He feels emboldened by his desperation, however, others see him as foolish and an outcast. He does not align with society. He is a failure. May this man find peace within himself, for he is I. I am him, and I must solve my own problems. Friend, thank you for listening, and bid me luck in my venture into the peril that is known as love. Have you heard of the man willing to sacrifice everything, put all that he holds dear on the line, just so that he may become more than a mere man, but a non-virgin? Legends speak of this man, and in each generation of children sprouts a true man, this man, who dares to grab the pussy, penetrate it, claim it, and ascend. I myself have been pondering lately, what if I were that man? Could I be? Should I strive to be that man? Or is it pre-destined? Am I doomed to stay pathetic and lonely? Nay, I mustn’t. I have to persevere, I must grab the pussy, claim it, and ascend. It is my duty, no, my code to slay this beast known as the vagina. I will overcome all odds in favor of fulfilling my role as the non-virgin. I swear by mine own life, I will accomplish the impossible, the weight will be lifted, my soul released, all in a climactic burst of raw emotion and vigor. I will conquer the inevitability, and lay my honor upon the beast I will have slain. It shall be done. Mark my words.