Many years ago my then GF and I were visiting her family for the holidays. One day my GF and her mom went out shopping and I was left at the house. I was bored/horny and sitting on their couch watching TV. I for whatever reason stuck my finger in between the cushions and I knew, somehow, some way I was gonna fuck this couch.

I sat there for awhile thinking about the logistics of it. It was tight yes, but the texture was rough. And what about clean up? I wasn’t gonna raw dog this couch and just leave my mess in it. I was racking my brain trying to find a good way to do this. I could have just jerked off but all my brain blood was elsewhere and I wasn’t thinking straight.

After a few more mins I finally had my plan. I got a Ziploc bag, squirt a shit ton of lotion in it, slid it between the cushions and went to town on that couch. It was glorious. Easy clean up and my dick smelled fantastic.

My ex and her mom came home and had no idea. As far as I know they still sit on that slut of a couch to this day.

I regret nothing.