I’ve finally muddied the waters so much I’ve turned jerma into what ex Christians think of When they hear the name God it’s like he means so much to me because he singlehandeldy changed how I vied life and happiness and my mindset but also he’s turned into my insane coping mechanism Where I vent out emotions with absolute no relation to him I will go from he’s my hamster to I want to rip his face out like a gorilla to he’s my favorite goldfish to wow he’s such a great creative streamer and I’m so happy for his success. I’ve clung onto him so long I’ve distorted him irrevocably in my subconscious to something so much larger and more personal. Can I have an 8 sec hug jerma that’s how long science says it takes to release the happy chemicals but he also made me doubt whether I might have bpd because he fits the description of favorite person so bad. I oscillate between two extremes but maybe that’s just my all encompassing personality problem