Fart: V1

Me booty: PFhFGFYT

Me: lol I farted.

Friend: “something funny” Me: haha yeh bro farts are the best

Fart: V2

Me: (sneeze-farts) Mom: O\_O Me: What? You don’t ever snart? Mom: No ew. Me: Buzzkill. (eyeroll)

Fart V3 (Note: I don’t have principal, replacing with boss)

My Butte: *PFHGHF*

Boss Lady: *ignoring it because she’s dignified*

Me:

Fart: *haha stink*

Me: (trying to change the subject) Haha horsies go brrrr

Next week, at employee meeting…

Boss lady: And so that’s what we’re gonna do.

*Applause* *awkward silence*

Me: snart Everyone: O.O

Me: *stands up and goes up front* Yup so hi I’m the new employee lady and I’m here to give yall an update. We have a big problem at this workplace. (crowd murmuring with concern) (dramatic pause) 

Me: Snart! (crowd gasps)

Me: That’s right. Sneeze-farting is a huge problem not just here, but in our society! Everyone does it at some point, but no one will ever admit it! It’s time we let loose and stop worrying about what other people will think! (inspirational music gradually building) It’s time to snart! Don’t be ashamed!

(crowd starts muttering in agreement)

(Boss Lady Debbie stands up with a stern look on her face) (everyone gasps and falls silent. I am intimidated.)

Debbie:

Debbie’s Derriere: aahPFFFT

Debbie: Everyone:

Me:

Everyone and their aunt:

Everyone: \*ChEERING WILDLY

Me: *sigh of relief* Debbie: *Laughing with joy and relief*

Me: I BET YOU THOUGHT MY INITIAL SNART WAS AN ACCIDENT! WELL IT WASN’T! DO YOU SEE THE IMPACT ONE LITTLE SNART CAN HAVE?!??! WITH SIMPLY ONE SNART, I HAVE GAINED CONTROL OF THE STAGE!!!! THIS PLACE IS MINE NOW! yOU ALL FOLLOW ME!!! ARREST THESE IMPOSTERS!!! *crowd booing and yelling*  Me: THIS IS JUST THE BEGINNING!!! AFTER WE TAKE THE VILLIAGE, WE WILL CONTINUE ON! FIRST, FLORIDA. THEN DETROIT. THEN THE WHOLE MIDWEST. THEN COOKIE BREAK. THEN, CANADAAAA!!!!!

\*crowd explodes, due to a snart bomb somebody set off. I die. crowd mourns my loss and my loyal followers perform Beetoven’s 5th with their snarts. My funeral is grand, but then I am forgotten. The world goes back to the way it is, snarts and farts being frowned upon. But the survivors of that board room still think back occasionally on that one day when they were actually free! Underground snart clubs keep getting dug up and arrested. The dark ages return. The year is 1645, america has just been discovered by Danny DeVito and the world has a new chance to start over. From my grave, I can only hope snarting will be legal. I tried my best, that’s all I can ask for. At least I made a difference to a few people. May I rest in pieces. Fini