I am going to have sex with Joshua Graham from Fallout New Vegas: Honest Hearts DLC even though he’s a good pious mormon missionary and he’d probably shoot me in the face for even suggesting it. I find Joshua Graham from Fallout New Vegas: Honest Hearts sexy. However, his body is made up of 87% third-degree burns, and 100% burning peeling raw and infected skin oozing with pus surrounds him. That could kill me if I tried to have sex with him, and possibly kill him too. To remedy this, I will drink an atomic cocktail then rub fire ant nectar all over my body making me resistant to fire and hopefully whatever burning infections he’s suffering from. Keep in mind, resistant is not the same as immune. I still take damage. It is either 1 point or 0 points of damage each second I am having sex with him. Just because a particular second caused 0 points of damage, does not mean that I did not feel anything, it just means I took no damage. I am not going to rush through having sex with Joshua Graham. I make sure I pleasure anyone I have sex with-especially missionaries because tempting and corrupting holymen is so much fun! I’d rather take damage than not pleasure Joshua Graham, ignoring the fact that he’ll be in excruciating pain from all the friction on his raw peeling skin. Naturally, we’re doing it in the missionary position.

Joshua Graham and I go to Zion Canyon to have sex. When having sex with seemingly-invincible burn victims who are in constant pain, It is ALWAYS sexier to have sex in their natural habitat rather than a not-so-burnt person’s natural habitat. Zion Canyon is Joshua Graham’s natural habitat.

Before we went into the Zion Canyon, Joshua Graham let all the Dead-Horses know that we are just here for sex, the Dead-Horses will not attack us because they know that I am here at Zion Canyon on sexual business. This includes the shamans. However, the Dead-Horses think that I am going to be an easy recruit for becoming a member of their tribe considering that I am having sex with their chief. However, I have no interest in becoming a Dead-Horse.