Silver Wolf made me buy an onahole

What’s a man to do when his internet is slow as shit so he can’t play the new Honkai Impact 3rd patch update and he’s got all the time in the world to do other things? Will he study for his evaluation exams that are due in two days? Will he prepare breakfast for tomorrow morning? Or will he arrange his laundry basket to have the clothes washed as soon as possible?

The answer is none of those. The man decides to use an onahole that he purchased out of impulse and figures out how the fuck to bust a nut into it? So, what’s the deal? This is my story/review of the Snail Flesh Cup onahole.

CHAPTER 1: The Backstory

Of course, we gotta start with how the fuck I managed to consider and even buy it in the first place. We start on the date of June 10, 2023. It was on that date that I was able to confirm that I would indeed be able to graduate from my university and thus begin reviewing for my board examination. In order for me to properly study, I decided to go to a different city to live alone for my board review. Around the same time, the new patch update for Honkai Star Rail was also released, and with it, new characters to pull for in the gacha system. One of these characters goes by the name of Silver Wolf: one of Bronya variants that have come to exist in the Hoyoverse. Silver Wolf absolutely enamored me from the beginning and I became addicted to her entire being. I kid you not, I have close to a thousand fanarts of her already at the time of writing, but I digress. When you basically fall for a character what do you do? Of course, download as much hentai and porn of her there is and fucking jack the shit off of my dick to her. It was surreal to think that such a character would have such peak design. I mean her shorts are fishnets on the sides. Fishnets! But this isn’t a coomer post about how much I fucking love Silver Wolf, and by extension, all variants of Bronya, this is the story of how I bought a sex toy. But you see, its precisely why I need to bring up Silver Wolf because she is essentially my primary reason for even completing the purchase…

CHAPTER 2: The Decision

As I prepared to go live on my own for the next six months, while masturbating to Silver Wolf as usual, some friends in a group chat were talking about their onaholes and how they used them. They’d been discussing such a topic for a good few months now, but I ignored it like usual. Unbeknownst to me, these discussions planted a seed in my subconscious: a seed that would sprout in the form of possibly one of the wackiest purchases I’d ever make…

After completing a fap session to Silver Wolf, the thought entered my mind:

“Hey! Since I’m going to be living alone for six months, doesn’t that give me the opportunity to bust a nut as much as I want…?”

“Sure,” I pondered.

“Hey! Since I’m gonna be alone, y’know that thing that one artist on FB did with the waist onahole with Mutsuki?”

“Yeah? …Wait, is this…?”

“Why don’t I just get an onahole when I’m there?!”

“…That’s not a bad idea, innit?”

And so, my opportunistic mind began to run a million miles an hour, planning out exactly how I wanted things to turn out…

CHAPTER 3: The Purchase

After getting settled in my condominium unit, I bought all the things I needed to live there: furniture, groceries, tools, etc. With my living accommodations settled, there was only one thing to do… make the fateful purchase. However, instead of buying a full on half-waist onahole and buying Silver Wolf cosplay to put on it, I decided to get an onahole cup instead. I asked for the opinion of my peers and eventually settling on a few things to purchase: the onahole in question, a pack of condoms, and a bottle of lubricant. Once completing my selection, I added them to my virtual shopping cart and proceeded to check out… However, right before clicking the “Buy” option, I halted myself and reflected: Do I need the onahole? I mean, I could just masturbate as usual and be done with it. And if I do buy it, there’s no going back. You’d joke about yourself being a fucked up degenerate, but now you’re going to become one for real…

…

“Well, you only live once right?”

And so, I clicked the “Buy” button.

CHAPTER 4: The Wait

My board review had begun as I waited for my purchase to arrive. Of course, I was not idle. I made all the preparations necessary like conducting research and asking for all the necessary advice for usage of the product… But the wait induced much anxiety in me. I would check my phone the first thing in the morning to see where the product was already. I was at the edge of my seat waiting for it…

Then came the stages of grief…

“I can’t believe it. Did I actually make that purchase? There’s no fucking way, I must be dreaming.”

“Holy fucking shit you absolute bozo, you actually bought the thing. You’re such a piece of shit.”

“I mean I think I can find some use out of it… Maybe as a pencil holder if I don’t like it? Ahaha…”

“Fucking hell, why did I even do this? I was right, I am a fucking bozo…”

“…Well, if I’m a bozo, I might as well go all the way.”

And there I was, waiting anxiously for my product to arrive. Constantly checking updates for it’s arrival. We arrive to the day before yesterday: the product had arrived in the city and all I needed to do was wait… But then…

“Your delivery will be made on July 3.”

“Fuck.”

I woke up to see this update. Why was I stressed? Well, I failed to mention that I was actually going to return to my home city on the first of July… which meant no one could claim the item! I panicked. Attempting different ways to contact the courier service. I was in a cold sweat. Frantically typing and conversing with the customer service bot…

“Your delivery cannot be rescheduled.”

…

I was shaken and I couldn’t believe it. Was I really gonna miss out on my item? Was I really gonna get a penalty for my missed item? I had almost given up…

“One last time…” I told myself as I accessed the bot again… Then by some miracle…

“Would you like to connect to a customer service agent?”

“Yes.”

And there I was… talking to an agent regarding my… items. After sorting things out with the warehouse, my item delivery was rescheduled and I would be able to receive it on the same day. I was relieved, and mildly ecstatic.

Today was gonna be a big day…

CHAPTER 5: The Review

I got home after board review classes and went to my products. I once again asked for advice from my peers on usage and preparation. After completing said preparations, it was time. I cleaned the onahole as necessary, opened up the lube bottle, and entered my bathroom…

Of course, there were hiccups along the way.

Can you imagine a guy getting performance anxiety from a fucking silicone cup? That was me. It wasn’t easy to get over the fact that I was possibly doing one of the stupidest things I’d ever done in my entire life thus far. But once I got over that hurdle, there was another one to face…

“Shit, I can’t fit the head in.”

In the back of my mind I thought “Maybe my dick isn’t that small after all…” But my immediate worries were how to fit it in… I surpassed the struggle after stretching it in and lubing just enough that I could slip in it… But after that I could only manage to fit the head in. I decided to begin watching my preferred content: Bronya hentai and porn. But even then, the struggle to get my whole dick inside was a problem. It had taken several attempts and different with continuous lubing to manage to get my whole dick inside. After I was finally able to get my entire member inside, the final hurdle arrived for myself…

What was the last hurdle? Well, the problem was that all the hentai videos I had of Bronya were incredibly short with the longest being just a little over four minutes in length. Even then, I found that the length of the clips was lacking and I wasn’t able to sufficiently self-insert myself as the black man with the huge cock fucking Bronya(wait… ain’t this NTR?). At the very end, I was finally able to sufficiently get it on using 10 minute clip of Kafka hentai that I had downloaded(I think some of you know the artist since they almost went ballistic over it). So sadly, despite Silver Wolf being my intent, I ended up with mommy Kafka, not that I was bummed out about it(I still like Kafka). The entire process of getting the onahole to fit on my dick and busting a nut took an entire hour, a far cry from my usual ability to bust within a range of one minute to a maximum of 30 minutes… But when I was masturbating to Kafka while I was in the mood, the experience was definitely different compared to using my trusty left hand.

CHAPTER 6: The Conclusion(with TLDR)

So what did I learn?

I learned that even though I didn’t like it at first, lubing is essential to prevent chafing your junior and damaging the onahole.

I learned that the techniques to maximize using an onahole can vary from person to person. It was only after solidifying my technique that I was able to bust a nut.

I also learned that you shouldn’t carelessly thrust your hips or else you hurt your back in some place. You can figure out how I know.

One more thing I learned that you need to stretch the onahole out sufficiently before you’re able to properly use it.

What was my overall experience?

Honestly, it was very new to me. I can’t say it was terrible but I also can’t claim that it beats using your hands. One thing’s for sure, I’m willing to use it again.

What are the care instructions?

Ideally, use a separate bar of soap to clean it out. Make sure its sufficiently dry after cleaning(use paper towels or tissues if need be). Powder it down to prevent unwanted mold or fungal growth. Lastly, store in a cool and dry space.

TLDR: Bought an onahole because of Silver Wolf and used it. Personal experience: 5.5/10. Technical experience: 7/10. I would use it again.