Fuck fuck fuck ok so basically I was working at my local subway, preparing that scrumptious foot-long for an overweight and slightly racist customer. I put the sandwich in the oven and ffs I feel like such an idiot. I left it going for too long (I may or may not have fallen asleep) and the whole thing suddenly burst into flames. Since I had no clue what to do I ditched my post and ran out of the subway screaming.

 For some weird fucking reason I am getting the blame and am being accused of arson. I also may of shouted a few innocent slurs at a customer while running away but that’s not a big deal.

Anyways, I tried to resist arrest and now the police are hunting me down. Someone please send help and get me out of the country. (Ideally to somewhere that doesn’t have subways).