Alright, story time.

So about 10 years ago my mom went out of town, and just like any high school teen I wanted to have a little party. This party ended up having about 40 people more than originally intended. Needless to say it was crowded as hell in this house.

Skip ahead a few hours towards the end of the night when everyone is trickling out. Myself and a few friends were doing a sort of pre-cleanup recon. We come across ole Caren in the kitchen with her pants around her ankles; now at the time it didn’t seem like that big of a deal. We just sort of ushered her to a spot to sleep off whatever drunkenness fell over her.

The next morning when were cleaning, Caren slipped out of the house never to be seen again. While we were cleaning up, we smelled a smelly smell that smelled…smelly. We could not for the life of us figure it out. Eventually we gave up and decided that our lingering hunger was more important. I took the opportunity to preheat the oven to 425 for pizza rolls…that ended up being the biggest mistake in recent human history. This only increased the raunchiness ten fold. I opened the oven to put the food in and the most distinct smell hit me right in the face. Now this is something I’ll never forget; the appearance of this mound is something out of a Goosebumps novel. It looked like something similar to my neighbor’s Rottweiler feces.

At this point, we didn’t know what to do. After a few minutes of dry heaving, I built up the courage to clean it. I didn’t have much on hand except an old spatula and some degreaser. The real fun began after i made my initial scoop…have you ever stabbed a fork into slightly undercooked brownies? A nice crust built up on the outside, but inside was a liquid so vile that not even the the craziest of war criminals would consider using this as a bio weapon. This was the lava cake from hell.

Eventually everything was “clean” and disposed of. Later that day, my mom came home and of course was curious about the stench that hardly died down. I told her with my sweet teenaged charm that we simply burnt a lasagna (only a partial lie). She bought it and we moved on. I thought everything was over.

I was wrong.

Rewind to the discovery of said shit casserole. My buddy, Zane recorded the findings on his phone…for science. Anyway, he eventually uploaded this to Facebook and tagged me along with many others in this video which made it pop up on my mom’s timeline. My mom wasn’t too thrilled with the fact that she’s been cooking dinners in that oven for the past six months completely unaware of the poo essence fusing with our food. That day ended with a new oven being installed.

Some of you may ask what happened to the demon we know as Caren. Well, she never admitted to doing it. She also never agreed to a DNA test, but deep down I know it was her. We all know, Caren.

Welcome to your tape.