Are you familiar with the movie, “The Big Sleep”? It starred Humphrey Bogart, so I assume you aren’t. It’s based on a book by the same name. In the book, the protagonist tells Carmen that his name is Doghouse Reilly. I won’t bore you with the details. In the movie, Carmen throws herself at Humphrey Bogart as she’s doped up on laudanum, if you know what that is, ferociously demanding sex. He slaps her. Hard. Then he puts clothes on her and he sends her home to get father.

My point is, your mother may be a bit insane. But, true to form, the crabapple doesn’t fall far from the tree. With self-applied nails, a Wal-Mart bathroom hair dye job, and two tattoos done by a guy who did a stint in prison, a little jacked up on meth he smoked with you while he gave you a tramp stamp extension and a claim of ownership on your pubic mound, you can be damn sure that, just like your mother, you’re exactly the same kind of cheap slut Humphrey Bogart would’ve slapped across the room.