Hi, this is Homicide Hotline. Is your child a trouble maker, breaking things without rest, costing you large sums of money, acting abnormal? Well, we can solve your problems today! Call 800-273-8255 and we can take care of your child today for a 50% off each person. Works 100%, not satisfied with the results? Don’t worry, if there’s a problem you get your money back guaranteed! Again, call 800-273-8255 to make an appointment for your child today. *Price may vary depending on the killing method of choice, child WILL NOT come back. We hide bodies so well, no one has found one yet. Call 800-273-8255 and dial 1 for more information. Legal restrictions apply, beware, as for you can be charged for homicide, manslaughter, and murder.*