I sexually Identify as an Apple. Ever since I was a young I dreamed of being plucked from the largest tree by immigrants. People say to me that a person being a fruit is Impossible and I’m fucking retarded but I don’t care, I’m beautiful. I’m having a plastic surgeon replace my testicles with seeds, put stem on my neck and leaves all over my skin. From now on I want you guys to call me “Appleseed” and respect my right to taste delicous and be red needlessly. If you can’t accept me you’re a fruitiphobe and need to check your plant privilege. Thank you for being so understanding of my fruity desires.