8-3-19

I’ve grown tired of this foolishness. This generation has no sense of community or neighborly kindness. I waited at the door for fifteen minutes before a young woman’s voice came from the doorbell, of all places. The voice told me, “Look man, I’m looking at the Ring app on my phone right now, and I definitely don’t know you, and I don’t want whatever you’re shilling, so just fuck off, this is mad creepy.” The audacity of these children, I swear. I circled around the back and entered through an ajar window. I slithered into the young lady’s room undetected, but she was not in her bed. I turned around to see her staring at me. When she saw the knife in my hand, she realized my intentions. But then something strange happened, dear readers. She was not afraid. The usual pale expression and desperate pleas for mercy were nowhere to be found. On the contrary, she glanced down at my knife and said,

“Uwu killer-chan, what is that?”

“A bowie knife?” I replied.

This girl then rolled her eyes and very casually said, “Yaaaaaaaas please fucking kill me. I’m so over this whole adulting thing.”

I did not know how to react. As I stood there, flustered, she launched herself towards me through the air like a missile, yelling, “YEET!” She knocked me over and landed on top of me. I found myself questioning whether my age had finally gotten the better of me. To my further surprise, she rolled over on her back and said, “Fucking do it pussy!”

As I wrapped my gloved hand around her throat, I swear to god, she moaned “Daddy”. I stood up right then and there and left. I didn’t even bother to pick up my knife. I think I’m going to retire from this hobby of mine. I don’t understand this world anymore.