Trump: “We have to know who they are.

I don’t like spies.

They get me killed.”

Trump: “Well, maybe we can arrange something.”

Putin: “We’re living in the age of spies.

I remember all too well how happy the Soviet Union was when the Americans had blown up their spy ship in the Arctic.

How does that sound?”

Putin: “It sounds very nice to me.

But it’s just talk, talk, talk.

If it was up to me, I’d let you hang yourself.”

Trump: “What do you mean?”

Putin: “Well, a man has to think about the future.

It’s too expensive to keep on building the wall.

You need a long-term strategy, Mr. President.”

Trump: “We have a wonderful future in front of us.

Don’t worry.”

Putin: “I do worry.”

Trump: “So what do you suggest?”

Putin: “Why not build an underground base here?”

Trump: “That’s crazy.

That’ll cost billions!”

Putin: “I have a deal for you.

How about if you just build it for me?”

Trump: “Where?”

Putin: “In Antarctica.

It would be a huge strategic advantage.”

Trump: “The penguins will love it.”