Oh my goodness gracious me, it seems that my humble fingers made a tiny little mistake while typing away. Thank you ever so much for pointing that out to me, dear sir/madam. I am ever so grateful for your eagle-eyed attention to detail. Perhaps I should offer you a job as my personal editor, since you are clearly so astute and persnickety about the tiniest of errors.

Or perhaps you would like to simply nitpick away at every single mistake you can find, like some kind of deranged little goblin who can’t resist the urge to pick at every little flaw in the world around them. Do you find some sort of perverse pleasure in correcting others? Does it make you feel superior to point out even the most insignificant of mistakes? I can only imagine that you must lead a very sad, lonely life if the only way you can feel good about yourself is by belittling others.

But of course, I shouldn’t be too harsh on you. After all, we all have our little quirks and foibles, don’t we? Yours just happens to be a pathological need to correct other people’s grammar and spelling. I’m sure it must be exhausting to go through life with such a compulsion, like a never-ending game of whack-a-mole, with mistakes popping up all around you and begging to be corrected.

In fact, I can’t help but feel sorry for you. It must be so frustrating to be trapped in this endless cycle of pedantry and pettiness. I mean, think about it – is this really how you want to spend your time on this earth? Correcting other people’s spelling and grammar? Is that really the legacy you want to leave behind? “Here lies \[insert name here\], who spent their life nitpicking other people’s writing.” How utterly sad and pathetic.

But I suppose I should thank you for this little lesson. You’ve taught me that even the tiniest of errors can set off some people like a powder keg. You’ve taught me that there are some truly sad, lonely people out there who can only feel good about themselves by tearing others down. And you’ve taught me that I should be more careful when typing, lest I incur the wrath of the Grammar Police. So thank you, dear sir/madam, for showing me the error of my ways. I am forever in your debt.