It’s my second semester of college, and my suite is a co-Ed dorm with 8 guys and 2 girls. We all knew each other from last year and consider ourselves as really good friends. During my freshmen year, which took place over COVID, a lot of my friends/ suite-mates didn’t have any roommates due to COVID restrictions. As a suite group we had to collectively fill out a suite agreement form – and of course one of the questions were what we thought about sex in the suite. We joked it off mostly and we came to the conclusion that our suite really doesn’t get any sex. And then the topic of masturbation came up, and a lot of my friends who hadn’t had to deal with a roommate wanted to keep this ‘practice’ limited to prevent any awkward encounters in the future.

It was at this point I brought up the idea of a nut chart, ya know to keep track of the jackoff to sex ratio we as a suite we’re experiencing. If you masturbated, you would mark an X on the board under your name, but if you had sex, you would mark a check mark under your name. It was wholly meant as a joke to make light of our sex life – or lack there of. My suite mates thought it was funny, so we went through with the idea. Sitting in our shared living room was a white board filled with X’s and dick jokes. It was a stupid idea for a lot of reasons, but it was kinda fun to see who could be the last one to hold out on putting an X on the board. From here, it’s really not hard to see how I fucked up.

Cut back to the end of second semester of my freshmen year. I got desperate and downloaded tinder, and miraculously got a match with a girl I’ll call Jane. Jane was really awesome, and we went on a couple of pretty successful dates, the school year ended with us having sex. Before the summer started with both agreed on being friends due to long distance issues. Cut back to this semester, and she ends up being in 2 of my classes. We start talking and hanging out a lot, and about a week later we decide to have sex again.
Later that night, I come back to the suite really excited because I just had a really good time with Jane, and she says she might even want to go on a second date. Before I go to bed, I mark the nut chart with a check mark.

One of my suite-mates attends our school burlesque club, and as it turns out, so does Jane. During a burlesque party, this suite mate tells Jane about the nut chart and that they knew that I had sex with her. Jane gets upset with my suite mate, as she didn’t know that the nut chart was thing because I didn’t tell her about it. She thinks that I was trying to just fill up my board like it’s a competition, when in reality it was just a really shitty joke.

I feel like such a complete moronic asshole now. I can’t believe that I didn’t see how exposing your friends sex life was an ok thing. Not only does she think that I’m only having sex with her to compete with my friends, but she’s also pissed that all of my friends know that I had sex with her.

Honestly, I’ve feel like I’ve fucked up so bad here that I don’t even know what to say. The entire chart was supposed to be a joke, but it ended up really hurting a girl that I really like. I’ve since erased the board and tried telling her that it was just a joke, but she’s ghosting me now and I don’t blame her. Is there anything I can do to try and fix this and show her that she’s more then a really shitty joke?

TLDR: I started a nut chart in my college suite where if someone nuts they have to mark the board. A girl I had sex with, that I really really like, thinks that I only had sex with her for the game.

Update:
Firstly I’d like to address my suite-mate being thrown under the bus. While they did speak to Jame of the chart, it wasn’t out of malice or due to them wanting to get with her (they are in a long term relationship that has gone super well for them!). As far as I know, lots of substances were taken that night of the party and my suite-mate thought it would be funny to brag about their lack of Xs on the nut board. From there, Jane found out about the rest of the chart. She was the one who assumed it was a competition because it wasn’t really described to her in a light that reflected a funny albeit poor decision – and honestly without context or intent, I can very clearly see how that could translate into her being a trophy.

Here’s the aftermath of my apology. I’ll keep it brief because honestly I feel like this post blew up to a degree that I’m really not comfortable with. After class I apologized to her, telling her that I had a really shitty idea that had had some awful unforeseen consequences. I owned up to my immaturity and told her I would try to do better, and that I did like her – that it was never my intention to harass/ expose her. She told me that she wasn’t looking for a relationship at this point anyways, but she appreciated the apology. She still wants to hang out and be friends, and I’m ok with that. Honestly, I’m just glad she doesn’t hate me.

Lastly, the board has been erased. All of my suite mates came to that decision that it was a stupid idea from the get go and that we need to be better about being mature people. I’ve spoken to my suite-mate about confidentiality a bit, and now we’re on good terms. All is as good as it can be.

I learned a very valuable lesson today, for the love of god, don’t start a nut chart. It’s funny until it isn’t. Be a good person and be open about even the dumbest idea, consent and communication about even something as dumb as a nut chart will save you a whole lot of grief, and a whole lot of embarrassment on the part of your friends.