Obligatory this happened pre-quarantine.

I’m a woman. I live in a shared two-bedroom apartment. Now, the layout of my home is a little strange.

There’s only one bathroom. It’s next to my roommate’s room, and on the other side of the house from me. I drink LOTS of water – about 10-14 glasses a day because I work out and sweat A LOT. This also means that I visit the bathroom pretty frequently.

Luckily, my roommate has never been annoyed by this, and she’s even laughed as I walked past her door for the second time in an hour. It was all fine and dandy until I started having to work out at night due to changes in my work schedule.

I started needing way more water in the evenings. This meant my bladder would wake me up at ungodly hours, and I’d have to drag myself out of bed, trample through the house, pee, and then go back to bed.

As you can imagine, this really fucked with my sleep schedule. I had trouble going back to sleep after my toilet break, and I’d just toss and turn until my alarm rang.

Why not just drink less water? I hear you ask. Well, I did try that, but it gave me headaches and an itchy throat, which was even worse than the sleeplessness. I thought I was just going to have to deal with my bladder for the foreseeable future, when I suddenly thought of an ingenious solution.

I have a small bin in my room I use for makeup wipes, waste paper, and other crap. I decided to pee in this bin at night, and throw out the trash every morning. None would be the wiser. It was like my personal chamberpot.

This worked beautifully for me. At 2am, I’d piss into the bin, wipe, and roll back into bed. No walking required, and I was back in bed, asleep, in less than a minute.

However, as with most good things, they have to come to an end. I’d gotten lazy about clearing the bin every day – sometimes I’d leave it for two days before throwing it out. It didn’t smell too bad to me, but it looked pretty repulsive – junk and pee floating around in a little bin cauldron.

One Friday night, I’d gone out with some friends to a bar. My roommate was with me, and we were all having a great time. I met a cute guy at this bar, and long story short, I invited him home with me. My roommate, being the angel that she is, ordered an Uber for herself as soon as I told her I was taking him home. She wanted to make sure I was safe at ours.

The guy and I go back to my room and we’re drunk and fooling around in the dark. He starts kicking off his shoes, when he accidentally knocks my bin over.

The smell of day-old pee and soggy paper fills the room. “What the fuck! Is that piss?” He shouts as he feels his socks get wet. I knew exactly what had happened, – I had been cockblocked by my own pussy.

I started apologising and tried to help him clean up, but he quickly put on his shoes and shoved past me. Understandable. My roommate saw the guy leaving as her Uber was pulling up, and she knew something was wrong. She knocked on my door frantically. I obviously couldn’t tell her what had happened, so I said I wasn’t really feeling too good. She asked if I needed any help, bless her, but I said I’d be fine. I waited for her to go to sleep before mopping up my shame.

I’ll never piss in a bucket again. On the off chance that the guy who came home with me sees this post, pm me and I’ll buy you new socks.

TL;DR: Cultivated my own chamberpot out of laziness, potential mate knocked it over in the throes of passion, resulting in a lifetime of shame.