Once, years ago, when i was about 12, i was out in the bush with a few mates. We’d raided our old mans piss stash slowly over the last few weeks, and built up a sizeable stash of our own. Stupid cunts had no idea we’d been robbing them blind. anyways

We went out to jezzas hayshed and started guzzling that hot piss down. Only took about a half dozen or so and we were three sheets to the wind. So cam decides at this point he’s gonna climb the fucken big gum tree next to the shed. great idea cunt we all said.

2 minutes later the dumb cunt falls head first into the ground, raving about drop bears. He wasn’t making much sense given he just fell three fucken meters onto his head.

We shine a torch up there, and sitting on the end of a branch is this asleep as fuck koala, like its fucken totally out of it. I dunno how the cunts even hang on like that. so fucken cam starts picking up rocks and throwing them at it, cunts off his head at this point. We try and stop him and he’s throwing punches, so we let him go. Cunt was much bigger than us, and he was always an angry bastard at the best of times.

He gets right under it and heaves this big arse rock at it. Hits the branch and rock comes down on his head. This makes hime REALLY fucken angry.

By this time me and the rest of the boys are sitting back watching the show, and loving it. He gets the rock again, and chucks it. Hits the koala and it falls – right fucken onto cam. Now cam thought he was angry, but he wasn’t no match for a fucken koala that just got woken up by a rock.

The koala hissed, bit and scratched. Then it hissed some more. Being the drunken fuckwits we were, we were no help to him.

He got it off after a few second, and one eye was really badly hurt. So jezza had to run down to his house and tell his mum, and we all got our arses kicked. we lied and said cam stole all the beer from his parents, and then jezzas dad found all the empties and told our parents, so we got in more shit for lying about stealing the booze.

fucken cam. he kept his eye but.

i’m not sure what the moral of this story is. make of it what you will and be careful of dropbears.