Hey, if I may actually be logical here, Mario Odyssey is actually not really as good as any of the other Mario games. That may be difficult to comprehend due to the amazing press the game is getting, but let me just take those rose colored glasses off and explain why Mario Odyssey isn’t really God’s chosen game.

First of all, the controls are just garbage. You’re forced to use motion controls. Of course, we all know how bad motion controls can be, especially when Nintendo implements them in every goddamn game like Mario Kart and Splatoon. That’s bad enough, but there’s absolutely no freedom when you move Mario around. He’s just too limp (the controls and camera are not nearly as tight as Mario 64), and there’s no way to do a long jump or triple jump, features that were left out in Super Mario Sunshine as well as this game. Trust me, I’ve tried. Why Nintendo takes inspirations from the shittiest 3d Mario game I have no idea.

Next, the setting in Mario Odyssey is just too wierd. It’s fine to have a frog here and there to stomp on, but everything is just way too detailed. Being able to control a dinosaur and actual people rendered like they’re in Dark Souls is a completely wasted design choice. Mario is not really known for having a weird setting to jump around in.

Next, it’s absolutely linear. No spoilers of course, but you start off in this small cramped ghost area, moving onto a small floating grassland, and a shitty desert with invisible walls. They take away a lot of space to run around in, and I just wish they made it with more freedom to run around and explore like Mario 64.

Next, the worst offender of all… sigh… having to buy stuff. I can’t believe Nintendo would implement cosmetics to purchase in their already flawed game, and yet they have. The money is hard enough to collect, but having to be forced to buy a goddamn police hat is pretty annoying. And don’t even get me started on the racist Samurai outfit and the Spanish suit, which honest to god they call a “poncho”. Japan is xenophobic enough, and Nintendo isn’t helping. There’s not even a Mario 64 suit, which is pretty sad.

There is honestly nothing good about this game. You might as well stick to playing Mario 64. It’s a much better game that’s still relevant, and quite frankly nearly perfect.