Fuck me.

This fuck up occurred one month ago, and I will remember it for the rest of my life.

On one particular night, I was feeling VERY horny. My PP was definitely not coming down any time soon, so I decided I should jack off and call it a night. I draw my pink headed warrior, my spear of impregnation, my magic wand. I’ve always been particularly fond of my genitalia.

My friend had told me once that using lotion can make masturbating feel 10x better, so I said ”*hey, why not*?” and go to my bathroom. I scan the room for lotion, and my eyes fall upon a white bottle with a pump on the top. There it is! I pick it up and bring it back to my room.

I laid down in bed and pumped a small amount of the substance into my dominant hand and spread it around on my weewee, much like spreading cream cheese on a nice piece of toast. **Damn, that felt so good**. My hand could stroke so much faster. I pumped myself a handful of the sweet lotion and applied it to the pp.

I stroked harder and harder and harder. I kept thinking about my GF’s pair while doing so. These to aspects in combination led to the sweetest orgasm I’d had in a while.

There was no need to wash the lotion-like substance off, because it had been completely rubbed into my PP. God, what a mistake. Feeling satisfied, I lay down on my pillow thinking about seeing my beautiful girl again, and go to sleep.

I woke the next day at exactly 9:24 AM.

I remember my eyes shooting open.

**My dick was on fire**.

I shit you not, it felt as though a small supernova had been unleashed upon my meat scepter. I screamed and fell out of my bed. I pull my pants and and underwear out of the way to see what was stimulating such agony in my penis.

I will not describe what I saw.

All I will say is that it was something you’d see in a horror movie. Plain and simple. Pure hell released upon my once glorious dong.

I muster whatever remaining strength there was in my legs, and sprinted to the bathroom.

I turn on the faucet and set it to the coolest setting. When I put my dick under the cool jets of water, I let out a whimper. God, I wanted to take a greatsword and just cut it off. I bite my lip while tears roll down my cheek.

I look at the lotion bottle I had used last night. I check the label to see if it had Shea butter, something I’m allergic to. One word caught my eye: acne. I gasp in horror. I turn the bottle, to be met with the words **acne medication**.

A medication which is designed to dry up skin and to be used in small amounts.

**And I had rubbed an entire handful of it into my penis.**

I let out a scream, this one louder than the first. My dick was in absolutely agonizing pain. But then, in my self induced shock, I have a faint memory. I had recently been struggling with dry skin on my face, and had been handling it by using a special cream.

”*It just might work*” I mutter to myself. I grab the cream and begin rubbing it over my now numb penis. Instant pain, but also a feeling of relief. Tears of pain and frustration are falling, but I don’t stop. I continue this process for the next hour locked in the bathroom. Every hour or so, I rubbed a bit more into my penis. My mom would occasionally ask *”is everything ok honey?”* to which I would halfheartedly tell her that I love her.

Over the next two days, my dick had completely healed. It was a painful recovery, but I had done it.

**TL;DR**: I was feeling horny, so I decided to use what looked like lotion to help masturbate. Little did I know, it was actually acne medicine. This proceeded to fuck up my penis.

Fuck me, hopefully you got a laugh out of my stupidity.

Edit 1-Some grammar

Edit 2-If you guys like this kind of writing I can definitely do more of these! It’d be a nice break from the stupid one liners.

Final edit- Edited out some bad info, thanks for the advice guys.